Character sketch: Veronica Meyers - Lesbian Gasoline

I want to tell you about Veronica Meyers.

I saw her headbutt another girl at a club once. I don't know what the argument was about, but Veronica laid the other girl out before going back on the dance floor. I asked her about it later and she said, "Bitch was annoying, I got bored."
"So you headbutted her?" I asked. The logic didn't track for me.
"Yeah." She said. She could have been waiting for a drink.
"What if she calls the police?" I asked, just one of the many concerns I had that would prevent me from headbutting someone that annoyed me.
"And says what?"
"Some crazy dike headbutted her."
"Who'd believe that? Girls are all emotional. Probably PMSing"
"Well, there's that," I said. Veronica went back to the dance floor. She liked to dance.

Another time I saw a guy grab her ass on the dance floor. She spun on her heel with an extended knee. The guy was down for the count. I heard he needed surgery later, but that could just be a rumor.

Once I was getting hassled about parking and Veronica convinced the guy she would blow him if he let us park in the lot, which was supposedly full. The guy agreed and scheduled a time for her to meet him after we were done clubbing. She didn't stick to the time and when he approached her all hot and heavy she went down like she was going to blow him and stood up real quick. The top of her head slammed into his chin and he fell back unconscious. I felt bad for the guy, I empathized with him, you know? You think you are getting your lucky break, that some super hot chick was so desperate to park and so fast and loose with her body and inhibitions she would blow you for a parking spot. The guy didn't know the super hot chick was like a lesbian superhero. And I mean nobody knows that at first glance. How could you? Besides only about seven percent of the female population is gay. Veronica looks like a porn princess, her body speaks to heterosexual DNA and says, "You must make babies with that woman." She says its like a curse to be pursued and followed by slimy guys. But I digress, the parking guy was okay and standing up as we drove away.

I invited Veronica to a party once and I told her to stay away from this one girl, Tina, because I had my eye on her and Veronica said that she would, no sweat.

I guess my first mistake was believing her. My second mistake was leaving Tina and Veronica alone for a moment while I took a piss. On my way out I had to help a girl hold her date over the toilet as he vomited up what seemed like a gallon of whiskey. Fucking fraties, you know? They think whiskey doesn't apply to them.

When I got back out to the living room Veronica and Tina were lip locked. Tina's hands were on Veronica's face, while Veronica's were on Tina's ass. I watched them for awhile in seeming lesbian bliss, Veronica pulling her in closer. This was a moment in life where I had a choice to be angry or not. "Fucking Veronica," I said. I smiled and had a good time at my party.

The next morning Veronica walked up to me, bite marks and hickies on the tops of her breasts, probably other places as well.
"Bit yourself shaving again?" I asked. She smiled, maybe embarrassed. I couldn't tell.
"Happens. Look man, she came on to me," she said as though that explained it.
"A likely story," I said only half kidding.
"I told her you had dibs on her," she said. I laughed.
"I bet you tried really hard to hammer that home," I said. Veronica stuck her tongue out, biting the steel stud and smiled.
"Yeah, hammered it real hard. But she wouldn't have it. Now I'm pretty aggressive, but Tina makes me look timid by comparison."
"uh huh."
"And she said she wanted me. I said no."
"Bullshit!" I said and laughed, she smiled.
"And then she kissed me, and I could tell that she really did."
"Uh huh, and when does the rationalization come?"
"Here: because I didn't actively pursue her and did my very best to ignore her, this was not a violation of trust because she came after me," she looked at me and started doing that ubiquitous twisted body-rocking motion made famous by little innocent girls pleading for an ice cream. It's interesting to note that her feminine wiles still work on me even though I know there is zero chance of the two of us getting together.
"You are such a shit," I said. We both laughed.
"Forgiven?"
"Forgiven."
"Hugs?"
"Hugs." I said and hugged her. "Can you try harder to shut them down? I really liked that girl."
"It wouldn't have worked out between you two, I awakened the lesbian flame in her. I doubt she'll ever go for dick again."
"I just have to prevent you from dumping lesbian gasoline on that flame."
"No man, it was already there, like a pilot light. If not me than someone would have turned her burner on."
"Can we move away from fire metaphors now?"
"Yeah I was getting bored and ready to headbutt you anyway," she said and we both laughed. Then we went out to breakfast.

Ah Veronica.