That MFA feeling

[noon and twenty] I am preparing to apply to graduate school for creative writing within the month. I have a lot to say about this because it is surprisingly complicated and I still have a lot to do.

Firstly, I want to apply to eight to ten schools to have a lot of options. I looked at a lot of schools and comprised a list of schools that I would like to attend based on how well they fund incoming students, like me, how well their faculty writes, the future success of graduates and places that would be a nice fit for me, places that would push me as a writer, places where I would create the best stuff and get the most out of my Master of Fine Arts degree.

This list ended up being 24 schools long.

So I went back through the list and selected schools that I absolutely had to apply to, based on my own personal excitement about the program. This yielded a list of 18.

Than I asked my roommate Justin about his thoughts about narrowing the list down. He asked if I considered what it would be like to live in these places for a couple years. I hadn't. So I made a new list of graduate schools that were located in places I would actually like to live in. Justin pointed out that there are places and colleges on my list that have considerably colder, and harsher winters. Winters that made you wish you had a ton-ton to cut open and crawl inside of (they smell worse on the inside I hear). There were also places that had summers and springs that felt like the inside of a sauna for months at a time. I removed the universities of Minnesota, Alabama, and etc., from the list.

This new list was 15 schools long. Still too many. Especially since each school has a non-refundable fee of about 60 buckeroos. I then went to each program's creative writing MFA web page and researched what was required, not only for admission to the school, but what was required of me while I was there. There were a couple schools who required a lot of material from me (three short stories, a critical English essay, statement of purpose, statement of intent, personal statement, resume, etc) on top of all that their website was difficult to navigate and unclear. So, as awesome as Purdue might have been, they are too needy for me. So I removed them from the list. There was another one that was more literature based than I want to be so I got rid of that one.

It's hard work, all this research. Once I have this done however, I will start writing the things I need to apply. Personal statements and the like.

After that I fill out their online application forms and send them all my stuff, test scores, writing sample... oh the writing sample. Let me talk about that.

Some of the schools want multiple stories totaling no less than 40 pages. I had planed to send my one super-razor-sharp-polished nonfiction piece that could pass for fiction, but it is only 25 pages or so. This means I had to find another work I had written, something that isn't quite as polished, and polish that up right now. I hope a school doesn't require 3 or more short stories totaling more than 60 pages, or I am screwed and wont be applying to that school. So far, only a few have asked for two stories.

The due date for everything ranges from December 15th to January 15th. each school is different. So I want to apply to the schools with the earlier due date first.

Anyway, I had to write this down. Sometimes it streamlines my thoughts and helps me see what I still have to do.

If this doesn't make sense to you, that is alright because this was for me, and I know what I mean. ;-)

More posts to come in the near future.

Oh, the MFA feeling: Sore lower back, tired eyes from scanning pages of text about how awesome a school thinks it is, a slight headache, a little hunger, the smell of hot coffee nearby (mug number 2) and the odor of someone who forgot to shower last night after work (me).

[1:45 pm] I removed John Hopkins university from the list (now 12 schools long). The school offers a Master of Arts, not a Master of Fine arts degree. The difference is the MFA is more dedicated, requiring additional time and effort. The MA is quicker, and the university says you can apply anytime, take a class at a time, night and weekends in Washington DC, or Baltimore. I don't want quicker, I want longer, more dedicated and more difficult. This is my future life here, I want to learn as much as I can rather than get a master's degree so I can check off of some bucket list.

[2:00pm] I was ready to write off the University of Florida at Gainesville because they seemed so uppity. They talked about what is required, how most prospective students don't get in and how awesome they are. Obviously written by some english/computer science/engineer type person. Not that there is anything wrong with those kinds of people. It is just that their writing lacks the kind of flow that I would appreciate in a prospective school. Than I read the Department of Creative writing's MFA page. What a breath of fresh air that was. They get it, and renewed my interest in their program.

[2:30pm] The word "slate" is appearing a lot in the writing program's websites. In the form, "...writers have an active slate of readings and activities to do..." What's with that? Is 'slate' that cool of a word? One college website even used the British informal usage meaning 'to criticize.' really? Is there some meeting where all the ideas are shared for what to put up on the website? And one guy, maybe an intern, says, "what about using the word 'slate?' It means the same as plan, schedule, book or organize and also has some peripheral meanings having to do with color, geology, and history--as many writers first wrote with slate." And they must have responded, "Brilliant!" And promptly taken the idea as their own condemning that intern to coffee barista status indefinitely. Oh the humanity!

Gay Prom

A lot has happened. Too much to fill you in on, so I wont. I can't even remeber where I left off. But basically there were car problems, relationship problems, life problems, financial woes and on and on. But that is life, some of us are more aware of that than others.

I had so much to tell you yesterday but I got sleepy instead.

I recently discovered Dan Savage the Gay, Sex and relationship columnist. He is way cool. Funny and smart with an eerily perfect perspective on relationships and sex. It's refreshing and hilarious.

That reminds me, this one time I went to gay prom, you know those proms that honor Constance McMillan, that high school girl that asked if she could bring her girlfriend to prom as her date? The school said, "no." She said, "You can't deny my civil rights." They canceled prom altogether and parents financed a private prom which excluded the lesbian couple. Anyway, I went to gay prom with Loo and JoJo, her gay friend since forever, and I remember walking in and seeing these two girls probably 20 years old. They were unbelievably hot. They wore ball gowns that hugged their figures, they had ample bosoms, long legs, great skin, and hair. They looked regal.

Anyway, they might be the hottest girls I have ever seen in real life. And they were walking towards us. I smiled at them, like I do to all beautiful women that walk towards me. If they saw me they gave no indication. What they did instead of acknowledge my existence was check out Loo, head to toe and back. Then they smiled, they liked what they saw. Then they split up and walked around us. I turned to watch them go, but I wasn't sure which one to follow. Almost tore my head in half trying to follow them both. Anyway, I followed the brunette. I watched her walk by as though she was on a runway, watched her stiletto-heeled feet lightly click and clack on the hardwood floor, watched her thighs flex under her indigo gown, watched her hips sway and her breasts bounce with each step. Then she rejoined the other girl and the two of them turned to watch something. I followed their eyes right to Loo's curvaceous backside. I think the three of us really liked that view.

It was a little weird to be in that place, but not for reasons you might think. Just about every girl there didn't care about me, but liked Loo A LOT. I had nothing that they wanted. I was invisible to them. That's never happened to me before. And the boys by contrast were really nice and respectable. I only got hit on twice, than the word got out that I was a... you know, this would work better in Dialog.

"Hey, Dustin meet Brian," JoJo said. I turned to face Dustin. He was tall, wearing a silver tuxedo vest, fedora and fancy pants. He had two earrings in one ear and short red hair. He was tall like me. He looked like a sharply dressed young man, 21 maybe.

"Hey, Brian. Nice to meet you," Dustin said as we shook hands. JoJo looked away scanning the dance floor for friends I imagine.

"Likewise," I said.

"Wow, that's some grip you have there," Dustin said smiling. That's when JoJo turned back to us.

"Dustin," JoJo said, "he's a breeder."

"Damn it!" Dustin said, "How come all the hot ones..."

"Sorry man," I said.

"Its kool man, nice to meet you anyway," Dustin said. And we got to talking.

But the term 'Breeder,' I love.

Anyway, after guy number two hit on me I had the word so I said, "I'm a breeder." He laughed and asked what I was doing there. I told him I was supporting the LGBT community. And he said I had to be an insider to use the term breeder, he added I was OK (for a breeder I guess), than added that I needed a name tag that said, "Hello my name is BREEDER." We both laughed. The rest of the night I danced with Loo and watched the hot lesbians dance the night away. I watched the gay guys too because they are amazing dancers.

I met all kinds of people there that night, big hulked-out dudes in ball gowns who shaved their furry backs in the shape of their backless gowns. I met girls in tuxedos with mustaches and everything in between. Sometimes I didn't know which sex a person was, not that it was important, I'm just saying I found myself wondering for the sake of wonder.

I had a great time.

But I became aware of some interesting things. My brain likes to gather information, mix it all together and asks "what if."

And after thinking about it I found some things I am envious of gay people about.

I dislike that pretty women have a stupefying effect on me. Like if a woman is hot but mean/rude/bitchy I can overlook that on account of her hotness. This also works with nicely shaped female parts. Like if a girl has a great pair of breasts, but is rude, or mean, or just bad my thought process is, "yeah, she is mean, but she has nice boobs, so...it evens out." A gay guy? Not even. Gay boys can tell hot girls that are acting annoying or whatever that they are annoying. They see them as people first, rather than: Boobs Yay! Butt yay! Hot legs Yay! Oh, yeah, person, person, person... It's a skill I don't have. So basically an 'ugly' girl with a hot body is seen as an ugly girl by a gay guy, where as I see the body parts first and it clouds my judgment. I imagine the reverse is true though about gay guys, like if a dude is being a dick but gay guys think he is hot they probably are bamboozled as well.

There is a documentary called the Science of Sex Appeal that is very interesting. Something that is interesting about it is that pregnant women emit a pheromone from their scalp that calms men down. There are a bunch of chemical warfare battles going on back and fourth between men and women. But a gay couple will never get that chemical warfare. Two gay guys will not get that calming pheromone from a pregnant woman. Now, the really interesting part is that men and women have a smell that is unique to them based on the bacteria that live on their skin. Each person is unique in this regard. Now the people who smell the most genetically diverse from you say, will smell attractive to you because the offspring you would have would have a more complete set of genes and be able to handle infections and diseases better. Now, men have an odor that actually repels women. They dislike the smell greatly. BUT, that same odor, if smelled while women are ovulating, smells amazing to them. Like wise a woman who is ovulating looks and smells better to heterosexual men, it is the period of time that she is most fertile.

What about gay people? Well, as it turns out, those smells that heterosexual people like in the opposite sex, the raw and natural biological chemistry smells, are enjoyed by same sexed gay people. Ovulating women are found even more desirable to lesbians. And a man's smell is enjoyed by a gay man all the time (assuming it's a dynamic smell--this is different than B.O.) There are a bunch of other things, but basically a gay man's brain is physiologically similar to a hetero sexual woman's brain. A gay woman's brain is physiologically similar to a hetero sexual man's brain. This means that both gay men and heterosexual women find the same basic things attractive in men, they can't help it.

Anyway, that's all for today.

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