Can't sleep

I can't sleep. Do you think maybe if I wrote down what was on my mind it would help?

Sometimes my brain races forward, thinking, turning ideas and concepts in my mind. It does this on its own.

I think a lot, but not when I need to.

I learned new things today, and new things always excite me. Well, new things that are important.

Today I learned about the nature of the universe, how we really have come from nothing and how stars had to die so that I could live.

It made me feel special.

This is important because I normal enjoy feeling insignificant. A young man typing in bed, in the bedroom of a house surrounded by oak trees on a hill by a stream 15 minutes from the coast of California in the northern hemisphere of a blue planet circling a little star in an ocean of stars belonging to a small arm of a spiraling galaxy hurtling through a void surrounded by an ocean of other galaxies forming stringy, purple synapses that look like a net stretched out forever.

I also learned about vestigial genes that can only be explained by evolutionary theory. Things like human yolk sacs devoid of yolk, traits left over from our reptilian ancestry (along with ear bones).

I think the reality is queerer than the fairy tale. And by that I mean being made by some god out of dust isn't as cool as being made out of star bits that supernova'd billions of years ago--which is how it actually happened.

All these things that science has proven, and yet billions of people refuse to acknowledge it. Strange. Obvious reality, empirical evidence supporting a myriad of theories and yet the fairy tale wins out. Luckily fairy tales are on the decline.



It bothers me that I talk about this stuff like I am trying to convince people.

Who am I trying to convince? The pious? You? Me?

Not me certainly, I believe what there is evidence for, which to my dismay does not include dragons.

I am in a position such that...

I am very intelligent. I understand things far better than I am able to express. My family and my friends are also very intelligent. I surround myself with smart people. Outside of that however the rest of the world isn't so smart and often times is downright dense. It's frustrating because what I know and find interesting could/would/has shattered the worlds of other people. (I have unconverted 5 people from their religions. All I did was answer their questions.) But beyond that I would have to build a bridge of understanding to the little island I find interesting and it is taxing, and after years of doing it I have become that guy. The Smart guy. A guy I have always kinda been. It's better than being the dumb guy or the sap or the tool, but I cease to be Brian and become that one guy that knows stuff. People treat that guy and Brian differently.

I started it at first to make friends. They would say, 'tell me something interesting' like I was the court jester ready/willing/able to juggle daggers. I'd say something interesting and they'd get their friends and repeat ad infinitum. It gets old. I don't want to be that guy.

New topic: Loo sent me a picture of her smiling face to my phone. Its one of my favorite pics of her and is now my menu background. I like looking at it. makes me smile. Makes me feel special. 2600 miles away a woman loves me. Maybe she thinks of me and it makes her smile and maybe she captures that smile on her phone and sends it to mine. However it happened I like it and look forward to seeing her.

Brain shut down finally. time for bed, only to wake up in 4 hrs for work.

And that, for those of you who don't know, is bullshit.