Tuesday, May 15, 2012


As far as I know I am not addicted to anything, which is one of the criteria of being an addict now that I think about it.  Let's see, I drink alcohol, mostly beer and wine, because I like the flavors and the way it mingles with food.  I don't like the feeling of being drunk, though being buzzed for a time can be enjoyable sometimes.  I have never smoked or taken illegal drugs and I have never wanted to abuse addictive prescription drugs.  It simply doesn't interest me.   I am far too concerned with organ damage, or impairing my cognitive ability, or damaging my genetic material to give drugs a try despite how awesome it feels for a minute, an hour or a day.  I suppose that sometimes I exhibit addictive behavior by doing something too often or to the exclusion of all else.  Loo calls this "binging" and it usually involves playing video games for too long without a break, or watching episodes of a show in sequence one season after another.

 What really interests me is how some people are enthralled by an addiction, I know a few people who do suffer from addiction, I lived with one such person.  It's as if saying no to themselves is impossible.  I have naively wondered why couldn't they just stop?  What is stopping them from stopping themselves?  What's the big deal?  Just stop.  But they can't.  Or they wont or they are unable to.  It's really quite sad.  I can imagine, a lot and vividly, what it would be like to be unable to deny myself, to live as a subject to myself.  I would be a tyrant otherwise.  My internal dialog would be, "Its beer o clock, lets get some!"

"I don't think that is such a good idea.  We have work later."

"Just one drink wont affect our job, c'mon, you know you want to."

"Well, maybe you're right.  Just one."
instead of, "It's beer o clock!, Lets get some."

"No, I got to work later."

"C'mon, just one won't matter."




Can you imagine?  You get an urge for something, say alcohol and you must have it right now, even if its 8am, or if you have work later or it messes up your plans.  Than you get drunk and can't make it into work so you call in sick and drink some more.

Its a life experience I don't have, thankfully, lucky me, but I empathize with those who do and I see, or at least I think I do, or imagine I do, how that life experience colors a person's personality and decision making process.  I'm not sure I am making sense here, it's just a pseudo-epiphany I had that though I may not have much money, and I spend most of my time away from my favorite people and things, I do have my health and I am not effected by addiction or psychological problems (as far as I know).  What a different life I would have if
things were different.    

PS:  After reading about free will, or the lack thereof, I think addiction is a great example of how we are slaves to our subconscious, it calls the shots and our conscious mind has to deal with the consequences.  thinking about not being in control of my brain is terrifying, though as far as neuroscience can tell, we are not in control in the slightest.  Weird.

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