On work: Corvette Drivers

In February I will have worked at the tire store for 5 years. I will also be 25 years old.

In that five years I have realized striking similarities amongst groups of people.

Corvette Drivers, Porsche Drivers, Mercedes Drivers stand out the most in my mind at this moment. I have reached the level now where where I can look at a person and determine what kind of vehicle they drive. And I can do this with ridiculous accuracy. I can also tell if a customer plans to buy anything or not. More on that later.

Corvette Drivers fall into two main categories. The first is the one that refers to their car as "The vette" or "my Vette" exclusively and the other is the hardcore enthusiast. The ones that call their car "The vette" bought it for status. They usually don't have the bucks for a new one, so they get an older one but with a convertible top. They rarely drive their cars fast or aggressively and cruise from place to place in a lower gear so the car gurgles as it drives. They often wear polo shirts, sport the mullet hair style and don't take their sunglasses off when they step inside.

The tires that go on the corvette are expensive. The new corvette tires are close to the 2k dollar mark, every time. The fancy tires are corvette specific and made by Goodyear. They are almost 500 each because they are the only tire that simultaneously: fits a corvette, can handle 200mph, lasts a long time for a high performance tire and is a run flat (the tire can function without air for ~50 miles and as such the corvette doesn't come with a spare tire).

****
The following is true:

I was working the counter when a new customer walked in the door. He was middle aged, wore a white polo shirt and sunglasses and had a mullet. He wore jean shorts and white Nike shoes. He looked like a Corvette driver to me, but I had to wait for him to speak to be sure which of the two groups he belonged. I enthusiastically welcomed him to the store and asked him how I could help him today.
"I think I need new tires on my vette." He said this optimistically. I already knew two important things about this guy. One he belonged to the poser group who bought the corvette for status and two, he had never purchased tires for "the vette" before, because once they do they are never the same again. 2,000 dollars spent on tires cannot be forgotten, even after counseling and hypnotism.
"Well, let's take a look at your vehicle," I say as I walk toward the door. He follows and leads me to "the vette." It looks like a 2000 model year. It is red and a convertible. It is clean and the wheels are polished. The licence plat says "bdvette," the exhaust pipes are chrome and the tail lights have chrome brackets over them. As he approaches he rubs a smudge out of the corvette symbol on the rear of the car.

I kneel down and inspect the tires. I already know the sizes and have written them down before I steeped outside. There is a lot that can be told from inspecting tires. The rear tires are evenly worn all the way across which is hard to do unless you drive slow. There is no rubber splashed inside the wheel well from a smokey burnout or aggressive driving. The front tires are a little rough and choppy meaning it probably hasn't been rebalanced since he purchased it back in 2006. The tires were made in the 32nd week of 2000. Could these tires be the original ones from 2000?
"how many miles are on the car right now?" I ask.
He opens the door and looks at the digital odometer, which is blank because the car is not on. So he turns it on and looks again, but all it says is "driver's door open." So he climbs inside, which is always ungraceful because the car is so low to the ground, and closes the door. Then he calls out:
"forty thousand and twenty four."

This is well within the range for the first set of tires on a corvette if it is driven slowly. This is also the time that rubber suspension components wear out. On the left front tire I can see the inside tread gone and replaced by steel belts wearing through the tire as a result of failing rubber suspension parts. This guy doesn't know he is going to have to spend around 4k this week. 2k for tires and then an alignment that will lead to the discovery of dried out suspension parts that need to be replaced (about 1k), along with the brakes (about 1k) that should be replaced. I look at the guy who is stepping out of the car now careful not to slam the door, he seems happy, completely unaware of the costs involved with "the vette".

So I walk him back inside, bring up his information, click on the tire screen (which is arranged least expensive to most expensive) and scroll all the way down to the bottom then turn the computer to him so he can see.
"This is the Goodyear Eagle F1 GS EMT. It is the same tire you have on the vette right now. A set of two fronts and two rears will run you $1695.13 which includes the sales tax, California's environmental fees, the labor--"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait? Did you say 1600 dollars?"
"Well, its almost 1700 dollars, but yeah."
"That can't be right," he says while blinking at the computer.
"It's the right price for Corvette tires. That's actually a great price cause they are usually two grand."
"That's way too much money." I don't agree its too much, but that it is expensive.
"Have you found a lower price somewhere else?" I ask so he doesn't go to the competition.
"Well, no, but that's, I mean, that's crazy."
"Yeah, Corvette tires are expensive."
"I can't afford that. Do you have anything else?"
"Yeah, but none of them are run flats."
"Does that matter?"
"Only if you get a flat tire."
"Why?"
"Cause the corvette doesn't have a spare tire." Recognition evades his expression, so I add: "If you get a flat or a nail or anything you are screwed--no spare and no run flat means you have to have a flat bed truck come get you."
"It doesn't have a spare?"
"Nope."
"You sure? Cause I think it does."
"It doesn't, but we can go look if you want to see for yourself." Because seeing is believing and it beats arguing for a long time while mistrust builds.
"Show me," he says. So I walk back out there, open the trunk and lift the carpet where any other car's spare would be and show him the flat plastic plate that is the trunk. He looks on in disbelief, then kneels down and looks under the car, then behind the seats. Then shakes his head and proclaims it weird. We walk back. I explain why having a run flat tire is a good idea, and why buying the inexpensive tires (full set 800 dollars) is a bad idea:
"They won't last as long, you might see 15k miles on them which means you would have to buy them more often. rather than the run flats which last around 40k. If you drive 40k miles you might have to buy 3 sets at 800 each time, rather than one for 1700 that will go the distance. Plus the Chevy guys engineered the car with those tires in mind. I wouldn't change it."

Pale in the face, hand trembling he pulls out his American express card and slides it through the reader.

"By the way, you probably need an alignment. I saw some alignment wear on the left front tire. We don't do alignments here, but here is a coupon for the place we recommend close by."
"Thank god it's only 44 dollars. Phew."
"Yeah, lucky you."
***
the other corvette drivers, the enthusiasts, know the price and have already put their house up for a third mortgage. And walk in with the mileage memorized, card in hand shaking their head as they say:
"Too much money."
to which I always respond, "Yep." and think, "next time buy a civic"