The Difference Between Here And There

Here has one less letter than There.

Does there even exist? Once you go there it becomes here. Our here can be over there if we go over there, but everywhere is here.

That was an argument my best friend and I had in 3rd grade. We had it with the teachers until we were countered by me in 6th grade. The counter goes like this: "There ISN'T here, there exists to distinguish between here." But then we were both sad because the pseudo-intellectual mystery had been removed. So we just never brought that up again, the counter I mean. We did the here there thing all the time, and often use it to test new people out. You can learn a lot about a person by arguing with them about silly stuff like that. You can even make friends. It's all in how you present it. I dont know how I got on this I meant to talk about the differences between here and there.

There being Southern California, aka SoCal and also Cali. I call it Cali myself. And here is Kalamazoo Michigan.

The weather channel is relevant here. It's weird. As far as I know nobody watches the weather channel in Cali. How many times would you tune into a place that always told you it would be 78 degrees with an ocean breeze? You may think I'm being funny here, and I am to a certain extent, but I am also being truthful. Because when the weather deviated from the '78 degrees with an ocean breeze' pattern it made headlines and news anchors would talk about it. When the weather guy came on and talked about how the temperatures would range from 75-79 in the whole southern half of Cali I know I tuned him out and I bet many others did too. But here weather is constantly on the move. I have heard a bunch of Michiginians say, "we have a saying here, if you don't like the weather in Michigan, just wait a few minutes." Meaning it will change and it changes all the time. So the weather channel, weather stations and weather iPhone apps are relevant here.

I expected the weather here to be bad. I heard horror stories: torrential downpours for days, feet of snow dropped over night. Things that made my Californian brain say, "Thank some imaginary god I don't live in that horrible place." And now I am here, but it was there to start. Get it? Ha HA! I crack myself up.

What was I saying? Weather here. Right, the weather here has actually been pleasant the last couple days. They had a heat wave. 76 degrees. I know right? That's HOT. No cloud in the sky, a barely-there breeze and a nice temperature yesterday or the day before had me sighing all nostalgically until the Manager at the tire store said, "Remind you of home?"

"Yeah, a little bit. Temperature is spot on. Although the sky in Cali is bluer, darker blue I mean, and it might be hotter but we have a cooler coastal sea breeze that makes it real nice."

"How often is it like that?" someone else asked.

"Almost everyday," I said. They laughed, in disbelief mostly.

"Welcome to Michigan," the manager said. We all laughed. Later that day it rained.

The difference between here and there: People are nicer here, friendlier, not so quick to blow you off. Things are slower here. I have a story about that.

For Easter, Loo's mom wanted to have a big family meal BBQ. With lots of food and drink and you know a big Christian hoopla. Gather around a bunch of food and talk about the wonders of Jesus as they hide colored eggs and eat chocolate rabbits--you know, from the original Pagan festival celebrating Eostre, a fertility goddess. Isn't it cool that those ancient practices that predate Christianity are still alive and well today and hardly anyone knows about it? The Vatican just stole the day and decreed that Easter was the day Jesus was resurrected.

I think; I get Christmas and Easter mixed up, I mean which one Jesus was allegedly born in, and which one he allegedly got resurrected in. Christmas usually has nativity scenes out (a total farce btw because all the cool kids are born in mangers or caves throughout the mythic traditions of the world. It is only those two places. Weird huh?) and with nativity scenes out I know its the birth of Jesus, December 25th--a date not corroborated in the Bible either. By scholarly study they say Jesus was born around July. December 25th is the middle of the Pagan/Viking tradition of Yule that celebrated lots of things that the Vatican just adopted... how did I end up talking about yule? What was I... oh yeah Easter, I swear I had a relevant point about that...

Yeah Loo's mom planed the whole thing and invited the immediate family--Loo's sis, and her bro--and Richard, Loo's mom's un-boyfriend. Richard talks a lot and its hard to get a word in cornerwise sometimes. (I made cornerwise up just now because edgewise doesn't make any sense and you might have expected it because it's vernacular, but by saying cornerwise you understood what I meant, or not, either way moving on.) Richard talked about how he heard on the radio that people are more rude now than they have been, that he started noticing it was true after he heard that and wondered if people in Cali were more or less rude than here. I disagreed with him completely on three points in my mind, but didn't vocalize any of them because I didn't want to argue. I was trying to be polite and make him look good in front of Loo's mom cause he seemed to be trying really hard to get her, impress her, date her, whatever. And everyone looked to me to entertain them for a spell. Whether they wanted someone ELSE to talk, or were interested in what I had to say I'm not sure. Probably both. I didn't answer his question, but a question I pretended he asked.

"The people here are much nicer, friendlier," I said.

"Wha-- really? I didn't expect that," he said.

"People are in a hurry in Cali. And there are so many things competing for our time and attention that we just skate by with the minimum of human interaction, usually. Just yesterday I saw a man walking on the street by my work and he saw me and gave me a great big friendly welcome. 'Hello. How are you today?' and he expected an answer. I was so surprised I kneejerked back to him, 'finethanks.howareyou?' "

"That doesn't happen in California?"

"No."

"What would happen if somebody walked up to you and gave you a big ole greeting like that?"

"I'd think he was trying to sell me something and I'd ignore him. It's a common thing for salespeople to do. We plug our iPods in, talk on our phone and just ignore those people."

"Golly. That sounds rude."

"It isn't though, not to us anyway, that's how it is. I remember going to the outdoor mall in SB--"

"SB?"

"SB, Santa Barbara. I was in the outdoor mall with my friend and we saw these gorgeous women walking toward us and he looked right to them and said, 'Hi there! How are you doing?' and they walked right by without acknowledgment he had spoken. They probably thought he was trying to sell them something. Happens." Everyone shook their head, either because I had that tone that I was done speaking and Richard would inevitably start up again, or because they couldn't believe how disparate the places seemed to be, probably both.

The difference between here and there: The speed limit is 70 here, back home it is 65, everyone drives about the same speed though: 73ish.

There are a lot of churches here. I have come to refer to Michiginian region as the Bible Neck Tie, kinda like the bible belt of the US, but further up, like on the neck, get it? Of course you do.

They also have religious billboards here. And Christian centers. I don't know what the difference between a church and a christian center is, but there are a lot of those as well. My favorite religious billboard is this one that shows a faucet with clean water flowing out of it and the water is being caught by a wine glass where it splashes around the inside red like wine...cause Jesus can turn water into wine (Merlot? Pinot Noir? Shiraz?) get it? And it says, "Got Faith?" Isn't that clever? With a critical eye I might suggest that they are saying you should have faith so you too can make your own red wine and get drunk for free. But I digress. No I dont. Fooled you.

The difference between here and there: They have basements here, every house has a basement. It's trippy to me, having a basement because I never had one of those ever. None of my friends houses, or family or neighbors or coworkers or anything. Here everyone has a basement. With a dehumidifier, another thing I never seen before. It pulls water out of the air. I don't know why that's important yet, but I heard it gets to be 90+ degrees here with 100% humidity and it's hell. I have never experienced something like that. I ran a 10k in 116 degree heat in Cali once, and I been camping/hiking all over the south west when it was 115+ in the shade day after day (kinda like how the weather channel is irrelevant in Cali, the temperature is irrelevant in the southwest Arizona/Nevada/New Mexico area). Never have I experienced heat and humidity, so I'm looking forward to that. Not.

The diff between here and there: Hardly any Mexicans. I seen two so far, and they were in a Mexican restaurant. Here is mostly full of blue eyed and blond people.

They have Amish here.

...They ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare, they're just technologically impaired...

They have tornadoes here, a whole season of them in fact. With sirens that warm you of an incoming Tornado. They tested them to make sure they work a week ago. I was freaked out of my skull. I didn't know what it was, why it was, what I as supposed to do. I went outside to see if I could see or hear a tornado. Then Loos mom came home and asked what I was doing. And asked her what the sound was. And she said, "What sound, oh that sound. They are testing the tornado sirens to make sure they work."

"So this is only a test?"

"Yep."

"Oh. Well. Now I know that," I said walking back inside. I felt like a fool.

That's all I can think about right now. I may add to this as I see more differences.