On the Rag

I think I am on my cycle right now. I woke up grumpy and emotional, which is soo not me.

I noticed the sunrise this morning, the green flash as the sun peeked over the mountains into the San Bernardino valley and the tiny lights of cars moving like ants through the roads that looked like arteries of the city. And I thought how beautiful it all was and I smiled to myself and my eyes got hot and watery and there were sniffles.

The shower felt amazing and I was so appreciative of it this morning. I almost thanked it out loud.

Then I took my rats out, hugged them, told them I loved them, gave them a treat and left for school.

Down the mountain people were going slow and I felt annoyed. Like what they can't drive the speed limit? Ok, fine the limit is 55 but 30 is ridiculous. And then there is a sign that says: slower traffic use (the fucking) turnout. And I watch as they coast on by 35 now. WTF is that? It says slower assholes use turnout, you are a slower asshole and you missed the turn out. Not to worry there is another one in a mile.

Up to 35 now. You can do it, 20 more miles an hour. The bumper reminds me to support the troops and that abortion stops a beating heart and that McCain/Palin should be the next president. We come upon another clean, empty turnout just begging to be used--and we drive on by.

But not to worry! There is a PASSING LANE OF SALVATION ahead. I sit squarely in preparation for the amazing acceleration I am about to release upon these mountain roads. We ease around the last corner, come upon the double yellow, it splits, the road widdens, I prepare to mash the gas and the $%$%$@$#@ speeds up!

"NO!" I scream over 'My Friend of Misery' by Metallica. I stab the gas. I am doing 65 and the @*&#$ is pulling away from me. "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM" I scream at the windshield.

Then I relax. Because now the passing lane has ended and they are ahead. Now I can continue down at the speed limit, now I can chill out. As I sail around a corner at 55 I see them ahead. They weren't doing 55.

Back to 30 again. I wanted to tell them that the yellow signs that say "35 MPH turn ahead" aren't speed limit signs but recommendations, caution, warnings--for SEMI TRUCKS! Not for this puke green Toyota Camry.

We drive by five more turnouts (empty, glorious, oases of freedom) and approach the last passing lane. I ready myself, turn the overdrive off kicking the RPM to 2800, foot on the gas, right in the power band, ready to blast by them.

The road widens, dotted lines develope, they speed up, I whip out to the left, stab the gas, see the cop with the radar gun, stab the brake, turn the Overdrive back on, set the cruise control for 55 and come neck and neck to the Pukemobile.

I look over at it. A woman sits there. Smug and oblivious, a blue light glows from her ear and she has big bugeyed sunglasses. She is blond, her hair has pins on the sides to keep her bangs out of her eyes and she has a pony tail. She reminds me of Jabba the Hutt and looks to be in her late 30's early 40's. I coast by the officer at 55.000 mph and when he doesn't turn around I push the Resume/Accel button. 57. I inch ahead. I push it again. 59. I am half a car length ahead and she starts accelerating! In the span of 0.5 second: Overdrive off, downshift to 2, both hands on the wheel, stab the gas.

The 3.0 liter v6 in the Nissan Maxima screams, rises to 4200 rpm, variable valve timeing kicks in (which pukemobile doesn't come with), torque steer in full effect, and it hunkers down, the exhaust roaring a crescendo until the upshift at 7000 rpm-- a lurch like the anchor I was dragging finally got hauled in--and I flew right by. Victory!

Around the next turn was a Cement truck--but its OK! because he drove 60 and used his turn out. I told him I loved him as I drove by and waved a thank you. The rest of the way to UCR was smooth sailing.

In class we watched the second half of the movie Smoke Signals, which is a great movie. And I was 0.5 seconds late and the only seat was between all these sorority girls--three rows of them with me in the middle. Blond hair, bubble gum and iPhones were in great supply.

As the movie went on I started crying. It was so emotional. They kept asking if I was ok. Through sobs I told them, "I'm just really emotional right now." Kelsey handed me a tissue.

I thanked her, mopped my tears (as a side note I have an extra tear gland, so when I cry I cry a lot. My mom has it too.) and after the movie I moved on with my life on my way to the sci library.

The trees are so pretty here. People are so beautiful. I saw people holding hands and fought back an "awww!" and then I seemed to be surrounded by couples in love. They reminded me that while I was in love, that person was 233 miles away.

I signed on MSN and told her I missed her so much and I was thinking about her and I can't wait to see her and she is great.

"Thanks."

WTF is that? Thanks? I am pouring my heart out to you and you say thanks!? Thats Bologna right there. Thanks. psh, as if. So I told her she was welcome and I had to go because she was too busy to talk. I signed off MSN and crossed my arms at my computer and pouted. "Thanks." psh. Lame.

Loo signed on to AIM, which I forgot to close. My status was labeled: HERE--In the science library. Her text flashed up on my screen:

"Don't get all snippy with me. I haven't had time to sleep or think much this week. Call me after work. I am super busy now."
"K" I typed back. And she left.

My eyes felt hot again and my vision blurred. I was looking into the future: we were married, might or might not have had rug rats crawling around, but she was too busy to pay me any attention and I was sad. Where is the faerie tale I was promised? Is it always going to be this way? Surrounded by people yet always alone?

Then I got hungry and this chocolate soy milk drink looked really good. And then I saw some girl munching on a burger. And now I have a craving I have to give into.

I noticed my lips are chapped. And my pants need to be washed. And my hair needs conditioning. And my nipples are sensitive.